Conservative Anger Highway Sign

Thursday Jokes

Not in the mood for jousting. These are from a friend. I think I'll make this a regular post. Anyone have a good joke, send it to me and I'll publish it.


One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

***

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into thehouse. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountainstuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

***

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

***

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

***

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

***

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like whenI'm driving."

***

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon theArmy dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

It's So Graphic

No blogging today (well, until now). The video driver went on the blink and I 've spent the greater part of the day trying to get the system to hold together long enough so I could change some settings, which allowed the system to function while I downloaded a new driver and repaired the problem.

Finally did only to discover that it's probably the card itself that isn't working. Oh well. I can work at minimum accelaeration for now. A new graphics card is not a priority.

This Land is Our Land

My friend, Elliot/Michael posted a comment to a post entitled, “Those Treasonous Dogs.” I began responding to him (I like his thinking and he is always reasonable), and then decided to make my response a separate post.

Which rights do Liberals still love, Tim? They long ago stopped being
defenders of the First Amendment (which is why I stopped being a liberal).
They never believed in the Second.I don't think Conservatives are all that
great, either. But I think Liberals lost the high ground a long time ago.

First thing to keep in mind, my friend … it was liberal thought that brought forth the constitution.Look it up. Imagine where we would be without those great liberal thinkers, Jefferson, Adams and Adams, Payne, etc.

I think you gave up being a liberal too soon, my friend. This liberal believes in the 2nd amendment, i.e. the right for the people to bear arms, though I have strong reservations about sub-machine guns and bazookas.

I’ve been a hunter, and enjoyed it when I was younger. I have experienced the thrill of the hunt. Truthfully, though, I think the only real hunters are those who use bows. I'm older now. I no longer crave mowing down defenseless creatures for food. There is always the alternative grocery store on every other block.

And as far as the 1st amendment, I think from my writings you'll see I am not a PC liberal. Have we gone too far? Absolutely. But our society tends to do that. It ebbs and it flows. Do you remember the roaring 20s? How about the 60s? My point is look out, the roaring, lost your minds 2010s are just around the corner.

Anyway, having said that, I am proud to be a flaming liberal. While taxes may be a wee high, I am not sorry to pay my fair share and help ensure government functions, roads are smooth and people in need are given a helping hand. In regards to a helping hand: Pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps is a favorite conservative phrase these days. Apply it to Halliburton and its greedy brethren and I’ll listen. A number of conservative bloggers have used this phrase to describe their own lives … how they had to work, blah blah blah. You know what? Boo hoo. Whining is not a liberal state of mind and certainly not mine. It is, however, what I think some conservatives are best at.

I don't believe in TABOR or any of its offspring. To amend the constitution is a whack job. Conservatives are saying they don't trust politicians. Fair enough, there are many to be disgusted with. The answer to that is to get people who truly care about the amity of the people to run for office. We the People! We're not so dumb.

I believe in marriage ... for all! And I don’t believe in wedge issues designed to create attendance on election day, at the expense of innocent citizens who will be affected by mean-spirited resolutions.

I believe in the right of a woman to choose without men interfering in their lives. We disagree sharply here, I know. But liberals have always been able to discuss things amongst themselves ... not so sure of narrow-minded conservatives, though I know a few who seem to have evolved. I know that both liberals and conservatives yearn for the day that abortion occurs so minimally that it doesn’t warrant pitched battles. Can’t we agree on exceptions for rape and incest and then educate our people to think of the consequences before conceiving? I’ve got to believe that some day we’ll succeed.

Believe! That’s what liberals do best. Rather than go backwards using faulty and aging memory cells to those glorious days of old, liberals believe in the present and the future. Liberals believe in people … all of them, regardless of faith, lack of faith, color, race, handicap. We are not a “white mans” club only, allowing only the token more brilliant or outspoken of others to have associate membership.

And one more thing. For all the denigration of the 60s, it was the 60s, the people, who hastened the end of that bastard Vietnam conflict. That there were excesses, no doubt. That the troops who were drafted to fight were treated poorly there and on their return, no doubt. But if the people had not risen and protested as was their RIGHT that conflict would probably have continued being the centerpiece of what it was: the playground of big power politics. It would not have been Nixon and his children, or any of the other supporters of that conflict and their children who would have suffered. It would have been my kids and yours.

Just like today.